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General Motors vs Microsoft

‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors actually issued an hillarious press release:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:



  • For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash…….. Twice a day..
  • Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  • Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
  • Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  • Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
  • The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.
  • When you apply break the system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.
  • Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  • Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  • You’d have to ‘Start’ to turn the engine off.

Happily Ever After


A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica .
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say,  'What a peaceful & loving couple.'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied:  "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man.
We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'
We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife got off the horse, quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *%&#@$ crazy!?'
She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'

And from that moment..... we have lived happily every after.

One Liner SMS


  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
  • If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
  • We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • I’m writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Just the content part left.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Most Stupid Questions

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations….
Its really funny…enjoy


At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..


In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?

Solve This Mystery

Three friends went to a hotel. The bill was Rs 75/-
Each one contributed Rs.25/-.
The waiter took the bill to the Cashier. The cashier was happy & decided to give them a discount of Rs.5/- & asked the waiter to return
them Rs.5/-.


Now the waiter was confused. How to distribute Rs 5 among 3 persons? 
He kept Rs 2 in his pocket & gave one rupee to each one of the 3 persons.
So initially each one had contributed Rs.25. Now as they are given 1 rupee back, their contribution reduces to Rs 24.

They all contributed Rs 24 –
That is 24×3=72 & 2 rupees are in the waiters pocket.
The total becomes 74. But they had paid Rs 75.


Where is the remaining 1 rupee?????????

Why Is Tech Support The Toughest Job

Why do people say that Technical Support Call Centre Jobs are SO tough. Find out yourselves below - an extract from their daily job.




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  • Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
  • Customer : “Ok.”
  • Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
  • Customer : “No.”
  • Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
  • Customer : “No.”
  • Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
  • Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”

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  • Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
 
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